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Archive for January, 2010

Perspective

There’s a lot swirling around in my head right now about personal focus and perspective. About how this world is what we make it. About how we can actually change ourselves, change our perspective, change our focus. Only we can do that for ourselves.

It started with good old Crazy Aunt Purl’s New Year’s post.  Specifically #2—come from a place of yes. Go ahead and read that and then come back. This concept is something I’ve been working on for years now. Slowly. I have long recognized I was brought up with exactly the opposite attitude. I was brought up in a house that recognized the negative, harshly judged the different, and squelched possibility. At some point I stepped back and listened to myself (again) and said NO. I don’t want to end up an old woman who carps and complains, unable to see the good, unable to see the beauty, unable to recognize and share in joy, crippled by my own defensiveness, feeding my loneliness.

I want to live my life seeing the happy things around me, being grateful for all the good that my world encompasses and focusing on the beauty and joy in the world. I want to think that people try hard and do their best at the time. I want to listen in a way that assumes the other person has the best intentions with their words, even if they come out wrong. I want to see the possibility in the day, in my dreams. It is so true that you notice what you look for, and I want to look for the good.

It’s not easy. I can see the ways that I’m slowly changing. One of my biggest pain points is how to deal with the negativity around me. I feel that I come to the brink of confrontation at times because I’m trying to deflect another’s negativity through conversations where I, in the end, sound defensive and judgemental. I think that’s a big growth point I need to focus upon this year. I need to accept another person’s viewpoint as their own, and know that it does not need to shade mine.

This is my year of possibility. This is my year of taking the plunge and making something possible that I’ve been slowly feeding and forming a dream about since before I knew I had started dreaming. This is my year of action. I’m exhilarated. I’m terrified. I’m ready.

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  1. I had the realization this morning that I woke up just about exactly 12 hours after I arrived home from work yesterday. This means I had 4 hours of time that was not dedicated to sleeping, getting ready for work, or working in my 24-hour day.  In that time, I try to fit exercise, dinner making and eating and cleaning up, any phone calls with friends or family, any reading or some knitting or any other hobby-like activity, and any household chores. No wonder I’m so stressed out and can’t keep up and am desperately ready for change.
  2. The sun is out today! For now. Yay sun!
  3. I got to stand in that sun for 7 minutes while waiting for my first train this morning. While it was nice to soak in some sun, that is way too long between trains for rush hour. (I waited 5 minutes for my second train, which totals 12 minutes added on to my commute.  Yes, I am obsessed with this because of #1 above).
  4. People on the metro in the morning, especially the very, very crowded metro where there is no room to even shift position, let alone read a book, wear some of the most blank faces I’ve ever seen. It’s like a can of zombie sardines.
  5. Working for the metro must be one of the most thankless jobs in DC/MD/VA.
  6. It’s two of my friends’ birthdays today! Yay!
  7. Another friend had a baby girl last night. So very wonderful!
  8. I have almost finished another mitten, and I like it. That makes me happy.

That is all. Happy Thursday!

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2010 Knitting List

I keep having this notion that I want to do a year of knitting selfishly. I have little that I’ve actually made myself, and a whole queue of things that I want to make. For me. Now. I sat down and made a list of all the things I’d want to make before starting to knit selfishly. The items slated for others. Because I’m very verbally generous, but knitting time poor.

  1. ‘K’ hat for my niece. I made her one already, but she grew out of it. Pattern kind of in my head and on scrap paper and graph paper.
  2. Stocking cap for my niece. I made her one already, but she grew out of it.
  3. Stocking cap for my brother in law. I did not make him one, but he keeps asking and so it might be time.
  4. Mittens for my niece. These were almost done, but proportioned wrong for her hands, so I frogged them back to yarn balls on New Year’s Day. Cleansing?
  5. Mittens for my nephew. (Ravelry link)
  6. Mittens for my other nephew. Pattern TBD.
  7. Gloves for a different nephew than the two mentioned above. Pattern TBD.
  8. Flip top mittens for my boyfriend. Pattern TBD.
  9. Reknit the cashmere hat for my boyfriend that got all stretched out and was a valuable lesson in cashmere. Plan of action TBD.
  10. Socks for the boyfriend. I have a couple patterns that I’m choosing from.
  11. Cowl for my boyfriend’s cousin that we recently found out is knocked up with identical twins. (Ravelry link)
  12. Baby gift A  for my boyfriend’s cousin. No freakin’ clue.
  13. Baby gift B for my boyfriend’s cousin. See #12.
  14. Peaks Island Hood for one of the kids I used to babysit who is now 21 but we don’t like to think about that.
  15. The queen-sized blanket I promised my sister after I’d obviously had way too much to drink.  Man, I must love her a lot. (Ravelry link)
  16. Oh, and the secret santa scarf that is now way overdue and I’m contemplating ripping out again and re-knitting, so let’s not link to that.
AMan's Hand Warmers

This nephew is very large

A coworker/friend left work today because his wife was FINALLY in labor. She was due on Christmas. I’m definitely contemplating a gift for their wee one.

So then comes the $1,000,000 question. When the hell do I knit for me?

I’ll figure it out. I swear. I will.

But look! Today I mailed these out. (Ravelry link) They’re a pair of mittens for my other nephew, not to be confused with any of the others mentioned above. Prolific bunch, my two sisters. AND, I have almost an entire mitten done for a nephew that is mentioned above. That’s some pretty good progress for January 6 (for me).

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That makes me want to write here again.

I think the word that can adequately sum up last year is INTENSE. Life seemed to take place in screams. I’d like to make 2010 more like positive movement forward. Or less stress. Or, if we have to use one word, how about Growth. It’s time to stop talking about the shit that would make me happy and DO it. That whole ‘life is what you make it’ thing.

So, of course, I’m starting by organizing the piles of yarn and projects that have accumulated. That is the most important thing, right? I mean, when your knitting habit starts to get stressful, you know it’s time to act. So, currently, this is my dining room table.

getting organized

Wish me luck.

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