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30 Days of Happiness – Day 4

So yeah, as I mentioned at the end of the last post, I got a new job!!!

This opportunity came to me by my good friend that I worked with one job back. I trust her judgement completely, and she says I’m going to love it. She let me know there was an opportunity on Thursday, I sent her my resume on Friday, I received an email setting up a phone interview that same day, I had the interview at 3 on Monday, I received a follow-up email 45 minutes later asking me to come in the next morning, I went in at 8:30 on Tuesday, found out they wanted me at 5pm that same day, and received the offer letter today. Fast and furious, but it feels very, very right. And I trust my friend.

I had a call with them yesterday afternoon and they were giggling with happiness that I’m joining them. I can’t begin to describe how good that feels. I’ll be working with a small team, it’s a contract position, so I’m my own boss, and it removes me from the very miserable current situation that’s been eating my energy, soul, and ability to be happy.

So today, I’m overwhelmingly happy for good friends who look out for each other, for a new job, and for the great possibility that lies ahead!

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30 Days of Happiness – Day 3

Today I was walking from the Metro to the office after a great interview for a new job. I had texted my mom to tell her it went really well and to keep her fingers crossed. She responded with, “I’ll say another prayer for you!”

I’m not a God girl. I was never drawn to religion, never found comfort or solace in it, and never really bought it. It just never made sense to me, never clicked. My mom required that we attend church every Sunday (except summers) our entire childhoods, and then stopped going after we were all out of the house.  I know there was more to her leaving church than that, but it seemed hypocritical at the time.

Recently, she began attending again and has started up with random “pray for me” comments. I’ve found them really annoying. I’m not into church, or praying, or your defined religion. Don’t push that on me. Why would you say that to me knowing who I am and how I feel?

Today, I got that text and felt the annoyance start to creep in. I started formulating snappy replies in my head.

Today, I was able to stop.

Mom saying a prayer for me=me crossing my fingers for someone=sending someone hugs and good energy=wishing someone well. This message came from her, and so I need to perceive it as coming from her. I understood her intention, so why should she have to modify her way of communicating that intention because she’s talking to ME? I won’t pray for my Catholic friend, but I will send her all the good energy, healing thoughts, hope and peace that I can possibly conjure up. She knows my intent, and she appreciates it. It’s the same thing.

I don’t know what made me stop today, but I feel like I finally internalized a lesson that I’ve been trying to teach myself for years now. Maybe it was the confidence boost from the great interview and the bouyancy that gave me. It felt so good to drop the defensiveness and just take in what she was saying. It felt good to take her for the best person she could be. And it felt amazing to feel myself finally, and not in retrospect, thinking in this way.

Oh, and by the way… I got the job. GLEE!

Cool breezes in the summertime.

When I was young, I would watch the curtains for signs of fluttering. It would mean relief on those stifling summer nights when even the sheet felt to heavy, sticking to my skin. I’d throw a leg toward the breeze, hoping to feel it whisper on me, hoping it would cool me down so I could drift with it into sleep. Sometimes, when the season was right, it would bring wafts of lilacs into the room and sweeten the evening, or raindrops from a summer storm. Mostly, it just brought cool relief.

Tonight, the windows are wide open. It’s cool outside, and the breeze is following me through the house. It’s bringing back visions of childhood of looking from my pillow towards my feet and over to the window to watch the curtains billow towards me, breathing their relief, sighing me to sleep.

I’m starting this just when I know that I’m going to be away for a few days, but right now I’m just feeling a need to begin. I spend too much time absorbed by the negative, by what I am powerless to control, and the consequences of that powerlessness on my mindset, my confidence, and my sense of well being. It’s time to reset and re-train myself to see all the good that’s around me.

Day 1: Possibility

I am filled with possibility right now. I have an interview next week that could get me out of my current very miserable job situation and put me into a much happier position at a new place. It’s a contract position, which means I’d have time, while still earning money, to explore other opportunities and to calm and recollect myself after too many years of too stressful work environments.

Some of those other opportunities are outside of the classified ad office job realm and in entirely new directions. Those opportunities feel so exciting right now. The feel, well, possible. They feel right. I’m loving thinking outside of the “this is what I SHOULD do” realm and breaking into the “what I COULD do” world. This world feels like it holds a happy future that I will love working towards.

Thinking about joining Erin in 30 Days of Happiness has me thinking, too, about all the happy-making things I can write about. That’s a nice change of mindset already.

Oh, and today, the windows are open for the first time in months letting in the fresh air and sounds of the neighborhood. That makes me very, very happy.

I got back to my desk and found this:

knitting

Saturday’s Haul

I can’t for the life of me, even in the HTML, fix the super bad ugly formatting below. I’ve tried for two days, and have been completely unsuccessful. Apologies in advance…

Saturday”s Market Haul:

1.5 pint blackberries
1.5 pint black raspberries
1 pint raspberries
5 pints strawberries
4.5 pints blueberries
2 pints cherries
rhubarb
spinach
broccoli
red cabbage
green beans
basil
mushrooms (porcini, morel, honey)
squash
peppers (hot and sweet)
radishes
white turnips
sweet potatoes
peas
empanadas
scones
granola
pb cookies
pasta
eggs
milk
cream
flower bouquet
lavender

I’m steeping the cream right now to make lavender cardamom ice cream. It’s a total experiment and I have no idea what to expect. I’m steeping 1 cup of cream with 1/4 cup cardamom seeds and probably 3/4 cup lavender, with 1/4 cup sugar stirred in. Tomorrow I’ll make the ice cream. I had a ton of fun with herbal ice cream and sorbets last year–basil vanilla, strawberry pineapple sage, chocolate mint chocolate chip–I’m silly excited about how this will turn out.

As for the rest of the berry bonanza, we’re having blueberry pancakes for dinner tonight, there will be berry yogurt for breakfast all week, snacking, freezing, scones, and blueberry muffins are the current plans. I haven’t decided about the rhubarb yet.

The garden is getting huge. What started as this:

Early garden

Early garden

Early Garden

Early Garden

Is now this:

garden 015

June Garden

garden 016

Hyacinth Bean Flower

June Garden

June Garden

Balloon Pepper

Balloon Pepper

Unknown Pepper

Unknown Hot Pepper

Hope Lilies

Hope Lilies

garden 014

German Chamomile

Everything is big and robust and happy. It’s been super fun to watch. We made some hot sauce out of the unknown peppers this past week, and it looks like we’ll have enough to make another batch at least. The yellow and super funky balloon peppers were started over the winter from seed. One tomato plant has one tiny fruit, which is so very exciting. The cucumbers are huge and flowering. We have a jalapeno and a cayenne on those plants, the potted herbs are plotting with the nasturtiums to take over the world, and they hyacinth beans are showing off like mad, making the purple hulle peas and cowpeas all self-conscious, but they’ll catch up before we know it.

Oh. And the fennel, that was sold to me as dill, is also ginormous. What the heck do I do with fennel?

A quick peek

In the ground:
Tomatoes (2 Cherokee Purple, Tiffen Mennonite, Omar’s Lebanese, and Billy Bob’s somethingorother)
Pole Beans (4 Purple Hyacinth, 6 Purple Hulled Peas, 6 Cowpeas)
Pickling Cucumbers (I think 18)
Hot Peppers (Jalapeno, Cayenne, Habanero, 3 Limon, 2 Balloon, and 2 unknown)
Broccoli (6)
Rainbow Chard (6)
Herbs (Sage, Italian Basil, Purple Basil, Cilantro, Parsley, oregano)
Strawberries
Nasturtiums

In pots:
Chocolate Mint (4)
Red Leaf Lettuce (6)
Bee Balm
Lavender (2)
Marjoram
Rosemary
Eucalyptus
German Chamomile (2)
Lemon Verbena
Tomatoes (2 Cherokee Purple)

On the needles:
Star Cross’d Love (rav link)
Dishcloths (I’m half way through my 4th)

That’s a whole lot of happy.